The Modern Office Part #2: Showering at the Office

After President Gore’s riveting PowerPoint on the effects of global warming last year, many companies have decided to hop on the “green” bandwagon implementing such office-wide initiatives as a “turn-off the lights” campaign, compost recycling in the lunchroom (more on this later) and discouraging printing or copying of any kind. However, one of the most popular and most aggressive ways in which modern offices encourage “green” living is by building private showers into their office space.

I’m baffled by this for several reasons:

Who exactly uses an office shower?

Presumably office showers are there for bicycle commuters who work up a sweat on their way to work in the mornings. And that’s great, since no one wants to sit in a meeting for hours with someone who smells like a gym locker room and wet spandex. However, this then begs the question, who actually commutes by bicycle to the office?

My company recently moved to a new office location (at the bottom of several very steep hills) and actually spent the money to construct two shower units in the office space.

I have not seen it occupied once since we moved in.

How hygienic are these things anyway?

Public showers are notorious for being dirty and spreading germs and scary fungi. Why? Because no one has the personal responsibility of cleaning them out on a regular basis. One might assume that the office janitorial staff would do that work, but this is not always the case.

I once worked in an office where the janitorial staff was contracted to clean everything except the kitchen/lunchroom. This made for some very sticky mornings when someone had spilled something the day before and snuck out without cleaning it up. So if by chance you are actually considering using your office shower, you might want to confirm that someone cleans it regularly. Otherwise, I highly recommend rubber flip-flops.

What about personal privacy?

Call me a prude, but the thought of stripping down to my birthday suit at the office, even behind closed (and locked) doors makes me a little uncomfortable. Knowing that there’s even a remote chance that my boss or that creepy guy in the IT department could burst in at any moment is enough to keep me high and dry at the office.

While I personally have never used an office shower, I’m curious to hear about other people’s experiences using theirs. Have you used one? Has your experience been positive or negative?

Feel free to share your story and add a comment below.

The Modern Office Part #1: Cubicles That Aren’t Really Cubicles

One of the most rampant and annoying practices in the modern office today with the greatest effect on the modern office worker is use of “non-traditional” office furniture. If you’ve ever set foot inside a modern office most likely you’ve laid eyes upon a strange amalgamation of shiny plastic, amorphous shapes and a lack of distinguishable boundaries that at first glance you thought was maybe a really large and ugly piece of sculpture but upon second glance, you were horrified to learn that it was actually a work station.

I once worked in an office next to one of these monstrosities (myself lucky enough to get a “half-cube” that was smaller than my guest bathroom). We all referred to it as the “S-desk” because the tabletop was shaped like the letter ‘S’ with a foot-high partition in the middle of four stations so that people across the table wouldn’t have to stare at each other in the face all day when sitting. It was about 10-feet long and offered little privacy from the back and sides and if you stood up, you could see over the front partition as well. It was universally loathed by everyone in the office.

Why do companies do this? Who wants to work on a fancy piece of art?

Not only are these modern workstations usually ugly and misshapen, they generally offer little to no privacy in an effort to “encourage personal interaction.” Anyone who has worked in a cubicle can agree that sometimes we’d all prefer a little less interaction with our co-workers. Especially if they practice one of the 10 most annoying office habits of all time.

A cubicle should be just that, a cubicle, and the ideal cubicle will have the following elements:

• 3 to 4 walls: A work station should provide privacy in front and on the sides. Having a privacy wall at the back is also highly preferred.
• Smooth, rectangular desktops: Wavy desktops and desktops made of unusual materials are a waste of space. No one likes them. Rectangular desks have existed for hundreds of years, why mess with success?
• High walls: The most important function of a cubicle is to give people privacy. If you can see over the walls of your cubicle into another, then the cubicle is not serving its primary purpose.

Simple, elegant, traditional—these are things we should be looking for in office furniture. Let’s stop trying to reinvent the wheel and give people a practical space in which to work.

Introducing a New Series: The Modern Office

Corporate work spaces have come a long way from sterile brown offices surrounding a room full of rows and rows of secretaries with typewriters. Modern business are spending increasing amounts of time and money trying to create the “perfect” office space, designed to make employees feel more like they are at home rather than miles away at work. Google is famous for treating employees to all the comforts of home.

From catered meals, to on-site massage sessions and bring your dog to work days, more and more companies are trying to infuse fun back into the workplace. While I have no problem with making the office more like a home away from home, I feel like a lot of companies are just trying way too hard to give employees everything they think we want.

Over the next few weeks I will be presenting the most overblown, ridiculous and useless features of today’s modern offices. Maybe if we all work together to raise awareness about the money and effort being wasted on useless office features, we can make our work spaces better, one office at a time.